Sisters

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my sisters. I have many and as they get older I'm finding myself wishing they wouldn't. Maegan has been married, pregnant, a mommy, and is now somewhere in the process of getting divorced. Kenzie is in high school and is experiencing boys, cheerleading, a vivid social life and has an attitude like none I've witnessed (and it makes me proud :)). Kacie is wise and is more mature than her age would lead one to believe. She's her own lady and I have so much love for her individuality. Charmayne is eight this year and unknowingly reminds me of my age each time I see her--with every birthday she experiences, it's another that I've been out of high school. 

My recent thoughts about these young women typically revolve around the realization that I am not a significant piece of their lives--at least not in the way that I want to be. Of course they look up to me as an example and as the fun older sister who lives in the Big City (aka Portland, OR--compared to Helix, it is big, ok?). However I want to be an influence on a deeper level. I want them to tell me their secrets, their struggles, their fears, and their "first times." I wish I could see them more often and take them places and show the some of the cool stuff that the world has to offer. I want to know what's going on in their lives, and not from reading their status feeds on facebook!

When I was in high school and before I left for college I had goals of what I wanted to be as a big sister to my siblings. Life got in the way and they grew up while I was furthering my education. I don't regret my college experience but I do wonder if I've missed out on to much? I do my best with the time that I have but there is simply no way to be on top of all of it. I guess I wish and hope that they think about me the way that I think and feel about them--that I miss them always, love them more than anything, and want nothing but success and positive experiences for them. 

I realize that my life is here and I want it no other way... If only I could be in two places at once.